It's been a few days

Sorry about that. I've had a couple really bad days emotionally, but I think alot of that has to do with eldest daughter being gone. Although I did come to a realization the other day - I think alot of my good attitude lately has been fake it til you make, and I haven't made it yet. It hit me really hard in the shower on Friday that David really is NOT coming home again - ever. That was tough, I think somewhere in the back of my mind I'd been sure that he would come home at some point. But he's not. And that makes me so sad. I miss the way he used to always be able to make me laugh, I miss talking to him, about anything and everything. I miss the way he used to tuck me into bed at night, with a kiss and an I love you. And it breaks my heart to know that he will never do those things again, not with me anyway. It hurts to know that I will never kiss him again, never be able to give him a hug, never be able to tell him I love him, never wake up next to him in the morning, never spend the rest of my life with him like we'd planned, never take all the trips we'd planned, never build our house together and so many other things we had planned to do. And it hurts all the more to know that while I miss those things - he doesn't.