2008

In 2008 I will:

Be single for the entire calendar year for the first time in more than 20 years - and LOVE it.

Continue my education, and continue working toward my degree so I can build a better life for me.

Continue my weight loss journey - don't know what the end goal is, but I know I'm going to get there.

Continue my emotional recovery from co-dependence, depression and anxiety.

Keep learning to be a great mom to my daughters - I've wasted enough of our lives taking a backseat to their dad. This is MY year.

Learn to be true to the one person in my life I can really count on - ME.

Learn to love that same person as above, because only when I love myself will I truly be able to love another.

Really, truly and completely let go of David. He has already let go of me, I need to do the same.

Reconnect with more of my old friends, make new friends and work to BE a better friend.

Find out what makes me tick, and what I really want out of life. Then work toward fulfilling those goals.

These aren't so much New Year's resolutions as they are promises to myself that I intend to keep. Happy New Year everyone!

I don't know what he is doing

According to K, she and D are not getting along really great right now. She says he has been going 'out' and being really secretive, and tonight seemed like it really upset her. He said he told her that he wouldn't be home to have dinner with her; she remembers only that he said he wouldn't be home when she got home from getting her hair done. He apparently won't tell her where he is or what he is doing - he will only say that he is 'out'. And it seems to be getting to her. She says that she talked to him, and told him she would really prefer he just say that he doesn't want to tell her where he is rather than being secretive, but she thinks he doesn't care. My guess is that he is seeing someone, or someones, and doesn't want to tell her. I don't know if it is because he doesn't want to upset her, or if he wants to make sure it doesn't get back to me. Personally, I don't really care all that much. Yes, if truth be told, there is a part of me that is still holding onto the hope that we could get back together, and I am extremely jealous at the thought of him dating. But I'm also being realistic, and I know that he isn't coming back to me. And frankly, the more I see of his behavior lately, the less I want that. He is truly turning into a person I don't know, and don't like very much. He is very short with me, always accusing me of acting angry about stuff, always accusing me of being on the defensive when in reality, it seems to me that he is the one on the defensive. And for someone who always told me that the source of his anger was me and our marriage, and that is what he was taking out on the girls; he is still very angry and very short with them all the time. And given that it is over, I don't see how our marriage could still be the source of all that anger. Unfortunately for him, he is irreparably damaging his relationships with his daughters, or at least with K. And I am done trying to be the middle ground between them. I am not going to get involved. He and I are no longer a married couple and I will not involve myself in his relationships with our daughters as I would expect he would not involve himself in my relationships with them. If he is not careful, she is going to get fed up with being treated like she is not important to him, and she will move back in with me full time. Unless of course that is exactly his plan...then he won't care will he?