Saturday, June 30, 2007
What a day!
Today has been an energizing and energetic, fun and funny kind of day. We went to brunch with my friend Dana and had a great time. Then I made the decision to NOT sell the house after all. I figured that I'm going to have to live with memories of me and D no matter where I live, so why not stay here in the house and build up some equity for the next four years? Plus, the house payment is only about $250 more than the rent on the apartment I was looking at. So we're staying put. But I've already started re-arranging and re-decorating. I'm going to continue with the work the contractors were doing to get it ready for market, and I'm even adding having them paint the front door and the outside shutters. After brunch, the girls and I went shopping for new bedroom furniture for me. I didn't spend too much, but didn't get heirloom quality furniture either so it's a trade-off. At least I will have my own bed that D and I have not slept together in, and that is what was most important for me. And I am trying not to spend too much money before I get a job. And I have promised myself that I will NOT get into debt. Except to my grandpa, who I have promised I will pay back every cent he loaned me to pay for the lawyer and to get the house ready for sale. We never did make it to the movie, but that will be just one more thing that we can do on our road trip!
Friday wrap up
Well, first of all, Thursday never got much better, but it didn't get any worse either so that was a good thing. I'm still having good days and bad days trying to deal with this whole divorce thing. There are some days I want him to come home, and then I remember all the things about him that I didn't like, and the things about myself that he contributed to that I don't like, and then I don't want him to come home. Which is good, because he isn't ever going to. Our marriage is truly 100% over. And it is probably the best thing he has done for me in the 23 years I have known him. As a good friend pointed out to me last night on the phone, D was an enabler; and all these years he has been enabling me to not grow and become what I wanted to be, and ironically, what he wanted me to be. It really IS kind of ironic when you think about it. All these years he has told me that all he wanted from me was to be his partner in the marriage, yet at the same time, his enabling behavior allowed me to not grow and be his partner. Enough of this talk.
Friday was a pretty good day. I started off driving older daughter and her friends out to Arlington where they spent the day at Six Flags. Traffic on the way back was a mess for about 30 minutes, but it was ok. I sat in traffic listening to my Daughtry cd with my car radio up about as loud as it would go, singing at the top of my lungs and dancing in my seat. Cracked up the guy in the semi behind me too. And then once I got free of the traffic, all of the above was combined with driving really fast on the open freeway and that felt great. Of course, by the time I got home, I could barely hear out of my right ear...didn't realize my car stereo went that loud. And the funny thing is, D called while I was in the car (I had called earlier to see if he knew how I could miss that traffic) and I didn't hear the phone - most likely because 'Over You' by Daughtry is my ringer for him, and I was listening to that song a lot.
Later Friday afternoon, after doing some work around the house and some job searching on Monster, I went to a massage. Only my 2nd massage ever in my life, and it felt great. I think I'm going to try to get one a month, or maybe every other month. It really felt fabulous, and helped release a lot of the stress I've been feeling. The only really bad thing that happened yesterday was that I did not get a phone call I'd been hoping for from the City of Richardson about a job. That was a big disappointment, but I'm not giving up. I've got to get a job, and I'm going to keep on Monstering, Careerbuilding, and searching websites of companies I know I'd like to work at. I'm also networking with some parents' from the girls' school, and hopefully something will work out soon. If not, I have promised myself and a good friend that if I don't have the job I want by the time the girls and I get back from our road trip, that I will look into retail or something like that, just to have a job. It certainly isn't my ideal, and I do feel massively over-qualified, but I have to work, and if that is the kind of job I have to take...then I'll do it. In the meantime, on Monday I'm going to check out a local bartending school. Bartending is actually something I used to think I would be pretty good at, but I never really let myself look into it because I felt like D would disapprove. Well, now I don't really care whether he would approve or not - bartenders can make pretty decent money, and I'm going to check it out. If I decide to go, I'm not 100% certain how will I pay for it ($595), but they do offer job placement after the course so that would sure help. And the girls are old enough I think they could handle me working nights if that is what I end up doing.
Today is going to be another busy day around here. I have lots to do to get the house back in order from the contractors being here getting the house ready for market. So I'll be working on that a lot, but I'm also going to take time out and the girls and I are going to brunch with friend, and then we're also going to go see Ratatoullie (I know I spelled that wrong...) and tonight another friend (also divorced) is going to come over and we're just going to chill and have a nice talk. I've found out through my networking that a LOT of my girls' friends' parents are divorce, and I am making some new friends. I hate what we have in common, but it is nice to have friends that aren't going to desert me just because D and I are splitting. Especially since it appears he is going to get 'custody' of most, if not all, of our 'couple friends'. Which really makes me sad because there are a couple of people I will really miss.
And then later tonight, eldest daughter leaves to go to camp for a week. I will miss her like crazy, but at least I know that when she gets back next weekend, we're leaving for our road trip. Unless I get a job between now and then...and then we'll just make it a weekend trip the following weekend. Ok, this has been a long enough entry - thanks for reading!
Friday was a pretty good day. I started off driving older daughter and her friends out to Arlington where they spent the day at Six Flags. Traffic on the way back was a mess for about 30 minutes, but it was ok. I sat in traffic listening to my Daughtry cd with my car radio up about as loud as it would go, singing at the top of my lungs and dancing in my seat. Cracked up the guy in the semi behind me too. And then once I got free of the traffic, all of the above was combined with driving really fast on the open freeway and that felt great. Of course, by the time I got home, I could barely hear out of my right ear...didn't realize my car stereo went that loud. And the funny thing is, D called while I was in the car (I had called earlier to see if he knew how I could miss that traffic) and I didn't hear the phone - most likely because 'Over You' by Daughtry is my ringer for him, and I was listening to that song a lot.
Later Friday afternoon, after doing some work around the house and some job searching on Monster, I went to a massage. Only my 2nd massage ever in my life, and it felt great. I think I'm going to try to get one a month, or maybe every other month. It really felt fabulous, and helped release a lot of the stress I've been feeling. The only really bad thing that happened yesterday was that I did not get a phone call I'd been hoping for from the City of Richardson about a job. That was a big disappointment, but I'm not giving up. I've got to get a job, and I'm going to keep on Monstering, Careerbuilding, and searching websites of companies I know I'd like to work at. I'm also networking with some parents' from the girls' school, and hopefully something will work out soon. If not, I have promised myself and a good friend that if I don't have the job I want by the time the girls and I get back from our road trip, that I will look into retail or something like that, just to have a job. It certainly isn't my ideal, and I do feel massively over-qualified, but I have to work, and if that is the kind of job I have to take...then I'll do it. In the meantime, on Monday I'm going to check out a local bartending school. Bartending is actually something I used to think I would be pretty good at, but I never really let myself look into it because I felt like D would disapprove. Well, now I don't really care whether he would approve or not - bartenders can make pretty decent money, and I'm going to check it out. If I decide to go, I'm not 100% certain how will I pay for it ($595), but they do offer job placement after the course so that would sure help. And the girls are old enough I think they could handle me working nights if that is what I end up doing.
Today is going to be another busy day around here. I have lots to do to get the house back in order from the contractors being here getting the house ready for market. So I'll be working on that a lot, but I'm also going to take time out and the girls and I are going to brunch with friend, and then we're also going to go see Ratatoullie (I know I spelled that wrong...) and tonight another friend (also divorced) is going to come over and we're just going to chill and have a nice talk. I've found out through my networking that a LOT of my girls' friends' parents are divorce, and I am making some new friends. I hate what we have in common, but it is nice to have friends that aren't going to desert me just because D and I are splitting. Especially since it appears he is going to get 'custody' of most, if not all, of our 'couple friends'. Which really makes me sad because there are a couple of people I will really miss.
And then later tonight, eldest daughter leaves to go to camp for a week. I will miss her like crazy, but at least I know that when she gets back next weekend, we're leaving for our road trip. Unless I get a job between now and then...and then we'll just make it a weekend trip the following weekend. Ok, this has been a long enough entry - thanks for reading!
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Ack!
Well, today is not starting out particularly great. I logged onto our joint checking account to see if the water payment had come out, so we could close the account, and found out we had a negative balance. Apparently, even though we have had this account for almost 12 years, and have always used our debit cards on the internet with no fraud whatsoever, the universe has decided to throw another wrench our way. We had fraudulent charges on the account. So now we have opened a fraud claim with the bank - and this delays our closing the account. Grrrrr!! I was looking forward to being able to sever yet another link between us, but no such luck for now.
Sigh. Oh well, the day can start out not good, but that doesn't mean it has to stay that way, right? I'm off to wake up my eldest so we can get her room put back together now that the contractors are done painting it. It is kind of sad though, her room used to be such a gorgeous Tweety-bird yellow, and now it is a boring antique white. Better for selling the house I guess. :(
Sigh. Oh well, the day can start out not good, but that doesn't mean it has to stay that way, right? I'm off to wake up my eldest so we can get her room put back together now that the contractors are done painting it. It is kind of sad though, her room used to be such a gorgeous Tweety-bird yellow, and now it is a boring antique white. Better for selling the house I guess. :(
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
First post on my new blog
Well, if you've found your way here, you must be a friend. And if you're a friend, you know my marriage has ended and I am starting on my journey to find a happier, healthier, self-sufficient new me. And I hope you'll join me...
I'll be working on my template, changing and adding things as I go along. But mostly this will be another place besides my handwritten journal where I can post about the new road I am going down.
I'll be working on my template, changing and adding things as I go along. But mostly this will be another place besides my handwritten journal where I can post about the new road I am going down.
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