Still truckin along

The girls got home from CO last night, and D and I promptly had a huge fight over the amount of time he spent on the phone with his new girlfriend. This was all the girls could talk about when they got home - no talk of the fun they had or the things they did. Just dad spent the whole time on the phone with R. So I let him have it. And finally got eldest daughter and her dad to actually TALK about eldest daughter's feelings about him dating and the new girlfriend specifically. I don't know whether anything got resolved or not - I think eldest daughter wants him to make a choice but is afraid to ask him to for fear he might not choose her. Sigh.

The job hunt continues; more or less unsuccessfully which is frustrating. I am hoping to have some interviews this week, but time will tell.

On the health front - I have been officially taken off my high blood pressure and asthma meds by my doctor. I have lost about 30 pounds, my pressure is the lowest it's ever been since I've been seeing this doc and my asthma is non-existent. He feels that it was all stress-related, which means that pretty much, my marriage was killing me. I'm feeling great, going to the gym, eating ok - not great food, but not too much of anything either. I do have times when I miss D, but mostly just him as a friend. I'm not anywhere near ready to even think about dating, but one of my girlfriends is constantly trying to get me to think about it. NOT READY.

The Universe giveth...the universe taketh away

Well, so much for my great job. I asked today about some additional training, and was told that since I was having problems 'at this point' that I wasn't going to be a good fit. And I was asked to leave. Sigh. My financial situation is starting to get very, very serious.

San Antonio was a blast! (And more good news!)

The girls and I had a wonderful time this weekend in San Antonio. We left early, though not as early as I would have liked on Saturday morning, and listened to some great cd's we had burned on the way down. Found out my daughters like .38 Special and Loggins & Messina almost as much as I do...but I digress. We got to Sea World at about 1:30 or so, and found a place to enjoy lunch. It was unbelievably hot and humid, eldest daughter was having trouble breathing and everyone was miserable so we pretty much left after the girls rode the roller coasters. We headed into downtown to find our hotel on the Riverwalk. Trying to get into the hotel to valet park was a nightmare, and took us nearly 45 minutes, but we finally got in and got checked in, so we headed up to the room to cool off and rest for a while. Finally around 6pm or so, we got up and headed out to enjoy the Riverwalk. We walked around doing a little window shopping for a while, then stopped for some dinner. Youngest daughter and I really wanted Mexican food (hello, we're in San Antonio!), but eldest daughter really did not so we had Italian. Not the best alfredo I've ever had, and the portion was ginormous and we couldn't really take the leftovers with us. Eldest daughter and I should probably have split an order, but how were we to know? After dinner, we walked around some more and did a little shopping shopping. I got a cute shot glass for a souveneir, and we went back to the hotel around 9:30 or so. We watched a movie, Georgia Rule, and then went to sleep. Breakfast was delivered to the room at about 8:15 because we wanted to get an early start so we could go to the Alamo. But it turned out the Alamo opens later on Sundays, and the other place we wanted to visit was going to be about $50 for each of us for the things we wanted to do. (Natural Bridge Caverns) So we decided to mosey our way back to Dallas on back roads and see little interesting towns and things off the beaten path. We picked up a road map at a gas station, and headed out. We went through San Marcos, Wimberley, Dripping Springs, and too many other small places to mention. We enjoyed sight seeing and doing some more window shopping in Wimberley, and just took our time on the way back. But not too much time as eldest daughter had to be back by 6pm for a meeting of her youth group from camp. All in all, it was a great weekend. And I will miss them like crazy when they leave tomorrow for a week in Colorado with their dad.

HOWEVER, I will have something to help keep my mind off it, because I was offered a job today! I had my first interview with this company last Thursday, and a 2nd interview/typing test today, and I was offered the position at the end. I am so very excited!! It is a small office of about 57 people, the pay is what I need with the chance to grow, it is work I know I can do and will enjoy as well, and the people and environment are really great. I am totally jazzed! And I start tomorrow!!!

The Road Trip has been shortened...

Well, for all our grand plans for our road trip, they have been severely modified. Unfortunately money is just too big an issue right now. So we are going to take a weekend trip to San Antonio, just us 3 girls. We're staying in a nice hotel on the Riverwalk, plan to see the Alamo and we're going to spend a day at Sea World. It should be loads of fun.

Oh, and I had a really good job interview today - fingers crossed!

It's been a few days

Sorry about that. I've had a couple really bad days emotionally, but I think alot of that has to do with eldest daughter being gone. Although I did come to a realization the other day - I think alot of my good attitude lately has been fake it til you make, and I haven't made it yet. It hit me really hard in the shower on Friday that David really is NOT coming home again - ever. That was tough, I think somewhere in the back of my mind I'd been sure that he would come home at some point. But he's not. And that makes me so sad. I miss the way he used to always be able to make me laugh, I miss talking to him, about anything and everything. I miss the way he used to tuck me into bed at night, with a kiss and an I love you. And it breaks my heart to know that he will never do those things again, not with me anyway. It hurts to know that I will never kiss him again, never be able to give him a hug, never be able to tell him I love him, never wake up next to him in the morning, never spend the rest of my life with him like we'd planned, never take all the trips we'd planned, never build our house together and so many other things we had planned to do. And it hurts all the more to know that while I miss those things - he doesn't.

Hope your 4th was good

Mine was very quiet, and relaxing. Which was good, because the night before I went out with a friend to a very smoky bar and drank more than I have in 3 years. And I barely felt it. It is very strange, and I don't understand it, but it seems like my body is handling things so much better now that David and I are over. My asthma appears to be completely non-existent, supported by the fact the I spent over 5 1/2 hours in a smoky bar and didn't have any trouble breathing at all. And by the time I left, I wasn't even tipsy despite having two Vodka Collins and a Yaeger (sp?) bomb and 3/4 of a vodka and Red Bull. It was weird.

Even though I didn't have any breathing trouble, I did get a nice headache and sore throat from all the smoke. And youngest daughter was with her dad for the 4th, eldest daughter is still at camp, so I just hung out here at the house and enjoyed the quiet day by watching a Project Runway marathon on Bravo. Then today I was up at 4:30 to get to the gym by 5 for my training session. Since it was the first one, it was a lot of measuring (I like MY scale a lot better!) and paperwork. I did put in about 15 minutes on the bike though. I probably could have gone longer, but my knee was starting to hurt.

Anyway, I'm about to jump in the shower before D comes over - we have to go to the county tax office and get my car retitled into my name only. Then I have a job interview this morning, a therapy appointment this afternoon, and an assessment session tonight for another job. If I do well on the assessment, I'll have an interview soon. Fingers crossed for me please!

And still the job hunt continues...

completely fruitlessly. I thought I had a real chance at that City of Richardson job, so I was very disappointed not to be one of the finalists. I've also come to realize that a staffing agency that I thought was interested in hiring me as a recruiter is apparently not so interested. I'm still applying for everything I am qualified for that I can find on Monster, Careerbuilder and Hot Jobs, but so far nothing has panned out. I applied for another Richardson city job - finger crosses that I can get an interview at least on that one.

I went to a Divorcecare meeting last night. The video at the beginning was very churchy and preachy, and that was hard for me. I just substituted 'universe' or 'karma' everytime they said 'god' or 'jesus' and it helped. The support group after was better, and it was nice to know that even other women who have good jobs are sort of in the same boat I am emotionally. I think I will probably go again, but I'll have to ask D to take eldest daughter to her therapy appointments on Mondays if I do.

Today should be kind of a chill day around here - the contractor is coming to keep working (I hope) and I'm working to get the house arranged the way I want it now. Lots of furniture moving and cleaning to be done, especially since the painter my contractor used did not do the greatest job ever of cleaning up after himself. But at least it keeps me busy, right?

In case you were wondering...

Here are the lyrics to "Over You" by Daughtry:

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought to doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
Now I'm picking up the pieces.
And spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought to doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
Now I'm picking up the pieces.
And spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought to doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
Now I'm picking up the pieces.
And spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.