When love is gone, there's always justice.
And when justice is gone, there's always force.
And when force is gone, there's always Mom.
Hi, Mom!

Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.

One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but cannot be taken away unless it is surrendered.

Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.

Anger repressed can poison a relationship as surely as the cruelest words.

The past is finished. There is nothing to be gained by going over it. Whatever it gave us in the experiences it brought us was something we had to know.

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

A woman is like a tea bag- you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.

Having no friends really sucks.

It totally sucks to not have any friends. Every time I think I've found a friend, something gets in the way - usually me in one way or another. The most recent thing, I thought I'd met someone who could become a really, really good friend in someone who works for me. Wrong. The moment I tried to help her out by giving her a heads' up about something, she turned on me. Sigh.

I spent so many years of my life worrying only about David and our girls, I've totally lost the ability to be a friend. I have lots of 'acquaintances', but when you're going through the kind of stuff I am going through in my life right now, an acquaintance just doesn't cut it. You really need someone that you know you can trust with anything. Problem is, every time I've trusted someone lately it has turned around and bitten me in the ass and I'm getting tired of it.

Sorry for the pity party, but I needed to get this crap out.

And now it is May again

It is hard to believe that this month makes one year since my life fell apart or got on the right track, depending on how I look at it. Last year, I would have definitely been in the 'fall apart' category, but now I'm pretty sure I'm on the right track. Things have changed so drastically in my life over the last year, it is really unbelievable to me. A year ago I was 150 pounds overweight, so depressed I could barely leave the house, not working, not even thinking about going to school, living like a roommate with my husband. Today I have lost almost 70 pounds, I am working full time, going to school almost full time, being (in my opinion anyway) a pretty darn good single mother to my two teenaged daughters, getting out, making new friends, rediscovering old friendships, taking trips - in short, actually living my life. Do I miss David? Yes, I do. Do I still love David? Yes, in some ways I will always love him. You don't spend 22 years of your life with someone and then just turn off those feelings like a switch. Would I want to be married to him, or in a 'relationship' with him ever again? No, I can honestly say I would not.

My financial situation is both much worse and much better. I have FAR less income than I used to, but because I am working, and all the money I make is mine, I do what I want with it without feeling guilty or like I have to ask permission to buy something. Not that he ever expected me to ask permission, but I felt that since he was the only one working and money was so tight that it was not ok for me to buy things for myself. Well, I am never, ever going to feel that way again. Do I still have champagne tastes on a beer budget? LOL, yeah. And I don't expect that to change anytime soon either. But the fact is, whatever financial mistakes I do or don't make now, are only mine. And I have never had that in my entire 38 years. I guess the long and short of it is that for the first time ever in my whole life, I am finally, truly independent. I'm making my own money, taking care of my own home and my children when they are with me, and for the first time, taking care of ME. And figuring out who that is. True, some negative people will say that because David is paying me both child and spousal support that I am not truly financially independent. Well, you know what I say to them? F*&$ you. I gave him 22 years of my life, 18 years of marriage, 2 beautiful daughters and I followed him from state to state giving up my own fledgling career to help him build his career. I earned every freaking dime he pays me, and more that I will never see.

Photos from the trip!

Spring Break 2008

What a week!

The girls and I have had an absolutely fabulous time in the UK! We arrived at London Gatwick airport last Friday at 7am local time and got straight onto the train up to Edinburgh. It made for a very long day of travel - I think I calculated about 16 hours from DFW. And now I wish I had planned more time for us in Scotland because it was so very beautiful and there was more we wanted to see. We were only really able to explore Edinburgh Castle and then walk the Royal Mile. We got a late start and arrived down at Holyrood House about 5 minutes after closing so we were not able to tour that which was a huge disappointment for me. But the girls certainly enjoyed some of the more eclectic shops just off the Royal Mile, and Katie even found 'her favorite shop in the world'. We then had a quiet morning on Sunday and took our time with breakfast and getting ready to catch the train back down to London.

Because I wasn't prepared enough and didn't buy the tickets online while still in the US, we bought our train tickets on the day when we arrived here - MISTAKE. We weren't able to get reserved seats, and the train was so busy we ended up spending most of the 4 hour 50 minute journey up to Scotland in a tiny vestibule at the end of the quiet coach. I was NOT going to make that mistake again so Saturday night we went to Edinburgh Waverly station and I spent a little extra to reserve us first class train tickets for the ride back down to London on Sunday. What a difference! The train ride along the coast was just beautiful and we took loads of pictures.

Our time in London has been a blast. I'll write some much longer posts later with more details, but here is a short list of what we've seen and done: bus tour of the city, Marble Arch, Hyde Park, Big Ben and Parliament, Westminster Abbey, rode the London Eye, toured the London Dungeon (can't wait to post the picture from the ride there!) toured Shakespeare's Globe theatre, Buckingham Palace (well, we drove by on the bus - missed the changing of the guard) Trafalgar Square, St Paul's, toured the Tower of London, saw Avenue Q (great show!!!) and yesterday we took a coach tour out to Windsor Castle, Stonehenge and Bath. I love Bath! It is the most beautiful town and I could totally live there. I'm pretty sure I can't afford it, but that is beside the point! Today the girls and I are going to take a Thames river cruise up to Greenwich and explore there for a while before heading back down the river and doing some shopping on Regent street. I have been told to prepare for 'all the shopping' my 'credit card can take'. Wow. Just in case I haven't spent enough money on this trip already?

I'll be writing much more and sharing lots of photos when we get back.

Holy crow I cannot believe how busy I have become. I'm working longer hours, going to school. getting out and socializing more...things have certainly changed for me. I'm sad to see so many friends, online and IRL going through divorce as well. I'm not dating but then I'm still totally not ready for it. Wishing I could be 'that girl' who could do a one night stand and get THAT out of the way, but it will happen when it happens. Hope anyone who still reads my blog is doing well.

Online VS Real Life

I think I'm going to concentrate on my Online friendships. The Real Life ones aren't really working out all that well for me.