So much to think about, so little brain power

There is so much going on in my life right now, and yet it seems sometimes like my life is going nowhere. As of right now, my youngest daughter is away for I don't know how long, my eldest daughter is living with her dad for October so I'm completely alone in the house, I'm trying to take 2 online 8 week courses - one in Speech and one in Drama - and get A's in both, I'm trying to find a job, trying to figure out how to move on with my emotions and stop dwelling on the past, trying to get ready for a 5 day trip to the Canadian Rockies, trying to figure out what my best friend is doing going off to Iraq to meet a guy she met on an internet dating site, trying to get involved in some kind of sport, trying to get myself to the gym and eat healthier and trying to meet new people since I only have like two friends in Dallas that I do anything with. Oh yeah, and since K & T are both not here right now, I'm also trying to clean to holy living heck out of my house so it is easier to maintain when they're both back at home. And trying to ignore my ex's repeated requests to sell the house so he can pay off his bills.

I'm working on a plan, really I am. I can't do anything about T being gone, or K being at her dad's this month. I'm doing the reading for Drama, and Speech doesn't start until next Monday. I'm on Monster and Careerbuilder every day, trying to use connections at LinkedIn to see if anyone I know is hiring and I'm getting ready to re-write my resume into a couple of different specialized ones. The trip to Canada is to allow myself some time alone away from this house we used to share, to do some soul-searching and trying to come to terms with what the future holds for me without him. I can't control my friend or what she does, but I am worried she is going to lose herself in this guy; she is not even divorced yet, has a lot of the same issues as I do and should not, IMHO, be running into a new relationship. But I can't control her and I won't try. All I can do is be here for her no matter what happens. A good online friend is going to send me some of her recipes when she has time, I'm going to the gym later today to make sure my membership is still valid and I'll go again to work out tomorrow. I've signed up for indoor volleyball and kickball, but it looks like the kickball league may not make. I'm going to attend DivorceCare and Nar-Anon meetings starting next week, and I'm going to start back to the church T and I were attending last summer - both to help me with things emotionally and to meet new people. I'm going to tackle one room per day in the house until it is spotless, I just need to start. And screw David; my bills are ok for now even without working and he can figure out some other way to pay off his bills - he can short-sell his house for all I care. I will NOT sell this house - my daughters grew up here and it is the only home either of them has any memory of. I will not sell this house until they are both off to college.

I am not sure when I became such a quote fanatic, but I am always looking for quotes that mean something to me. I put one in a letter I wrote to T this morning that I hope will help her. And I'm going to put one at the end of this post too. Then, starting tomorrow I'm going to use my blog as a true online journal, and combine it with my affirmation book and use the daily affirmation or the quote from that book as a topic for my post.

Here is today's affirmation: I let myself know who I am.

I think that is exactly what I am doing on a daily basis with all the work I am doing, physically, mentally and spiritually. So that's all I'm going to say on that today!