I guess my main excuse is that I am really busy! Working full time, going to school full time, trying to be a good mom and good friend are all taking their toll on me. I still love my job and it is going really well. School is going good, I have a LOT of homework to get done, so housework often takes a backseat which I know XH likes to throw in my face. But I am managing to get mostly A's with like one or two B's so I am pretty proud of me. And it's not like the house is disgusting or anything. Just very cluttered and lived-in looking. The funny thing is he has been trying to make it sound like he is doing such a better job of parenting than I am - complaining about the amount of fast food trash I was taking out one day when he was here. Well, the truth of the matter is that most of that food trash was mine - the girls have been eating fairly ok when they're here with me. And this all came to a head the other day when I called to find out they were eating at Chili's - again. Really? Chili's is suddenly all that healthy? I must have missed that memo. Granted, I'm not doing a whole lot better with food, but I expect that to get better after this semester is over and I'm home more at night to cook. My plan is next semester to again take 5 classes - 2 in person and 3 online again. Only next term, the two in person will be on the weekends so they won't take quite as much time. The Saturday class is from 8am - 12pm and the girls aren't even usually awake before noon on Saturdays anyway! And Sunday will be from 1-4pm so that shouldn't hurt too much either.
In any event, I really only need to worry about being home for T because K has decided to live with her dad full time and only visit with me. And let me tell you, that hurts like hell. I understand that going back and forth each week was hard on her, but I was surprised and hurt when she decided to live with D instead of me. I think she is trying to make things 'fair' since T lives mostly with me, but it doesn't feel fair. I guess this is one area where I really want to be selfish, especially since K is going to be graduating in 2 years. So now the arrangement is that T lives with me, sees D every M-W nights while I'm at school, and then spends 2 weekends a month with him. And K lives with D, sees me Thursday nights and spends the last week of each month with me. It sucks hard, but since we agreed that the girls would choose their own custody arrangements, I can't really say anything.
Other than that, we are getting along pretty good. He moved into his new townhouse this weekend, and came by here to get our extra fridge and the formal dining room table which I offered to him because I wanted to get a new one. He is also slowly getting all his and K's boxes of stuff out of my garage. The thing that sucks for him is that his apartment complex rented his apartment already and asked him to move out about two weeks earlier than he had planned. And in his nice guy way he agreed, and put himself in a bind because now he's had to move in before he got all the work he was doing on the townhouse done. So K will actually be with me for the next week or so at least while he gets her room finished with paint, new carpet and her furniture. Believe you me, I am not complaining. I miss K alot, and any time I can have her stay here with me I'm happy about it. I'm getting ready to do a lot of re-painting of rooms around my house in an attempt to make it 'mine' instead of 'ours'. A good friend made this suggestion, and I'm going with it. It's hard to get started though, because that means admitting to myself that it really, truly is 100% over. And that is still a tough thing for me to do. Even though it is all for the best, and I really do feel that way, it still hurts. I feel like a failure for not making my marriage work. Especially when I was married to someone who loved me so very much at one point, and if I had put forth some effort during the time I needed to, this thing might have been salvageable. Sigh.
1 comment:
{{{Sharon}}} - I can only imagine how hurt you must feel that one of your daughters has decided to go and live with her father. Hopefully, this will mean that the time you have together will be quality time.
My mother and I were estranged at one point (she kicked me out of home when I was 16, and I went to live with my father). We didn't talk for a long time, but we became really close as I got older, and have a great relationship now. I hope you and your daughters can have the kind of relationship I have now with my mother.
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