What if it all goes right - Melissa Lawson

What if that road that you're taking's a dead end
What if love leaves you all jaded and broken
what if that limb breaks you're climbing out on
yeah, what if it all goes wrong

But, what if it all goes right
what if it all works out
what if the stars line up
and good luck rains down
what if you chase your dreams
and it changes your whole life
Yeah, what if it all goes right

What if that road is a beautiful slow drive
what if that love ends up lasting a life time
what if that limb holds you, oak tree strong
what if this time nothing goes wrong

what if it all goes right
what if it all works out
what if the stars line up
and good luck rains down
what if you chase your dreams
and it changes your whole life
Yeah, what if it all goes right

what if you climb to the mountain top
and touch the sky
grab a cloud as it passes by
you might fall you might fall
but then again you might fly

what if it all goes right
what if it all works out
what if the stars line up
and good luck rains down
what if you chase your dreams
and it changes your whole life
Yeah, what if it all goes right

More random quotes that gave me pause for thought...

Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how…We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.

The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any. (Done!)

You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor (wo)man perfected without trials.

Don't fall before you're pushed.

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.

The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

Wow. Just wow.

I don't want to go into a lot of detail here on this very public blog, but wow. Some people absolutely astonish me with the way they think. Or don't think. Depending on how you look at it. For someone who is a Libra, and prides themselves on always seeing both sides of the situation...wow. Just WOW.

What a difference a day makes

I haven't really blogged about it here, but things have been getting progressively worse at my job, probably since about March. Once A found out she was pregnant, M started really getting on me since he knew she would be gone in June or July. After she left in June it really got bad. He thinks I am not 'here' and that is why things have been falling through the cracks. The reality is that I'm so overworked and overextended (I've been putting in 60-70 hours a week) that I can't think straight, and that is why things have been falling through the cracks. I knew that A & M had a weird, dysfuctional relationship and that they fought like brother and sister, and that he rode her hard and sometimes was just flat out cruel to her. What I didn't know was that would be unleashed on me as soon as she left. When she left I suddenly went from being someone he was proud of, who did a great job, to someone who couldn't do anything right and was constantly f*cking up. The truth is that I didn't change at all - his expectations and my work load changed. It all came to a head a few weeks ago when I approached M about being considered to take A's place if she didn't come back from her maternity leave. I thought I was well positioned to do it as I have been with the company for over a year, had a good feel for how things worked in our branch and had been filling in for her for nearly two months. What a shock it was to me when I told no f'ing way would he consider me because I had NO IDEA what it was to do her job. And I was also told that it wasn't his job to mentor and prepare me to take over her job - it was straight up my job to ask the right questions and get the answers I needed. Ok. So then I tried to go back to just doing my job, but again, so stressed out my hair was coming out in the shower and things were indeed falling through the cracks. Some little things, some important things. He and I had it out about two weeks ago and he finally told me that's it - I'm going to start writing you up for everything you screw up. So I started looking for another job because I knew I had done everything I could to please him and there was just nothing I could do right at this point.

Fast forward to Tuesday morning. There is a leak in my front bathroom and it is spraying water all over I call the plumber and text M to tell him I'll be in as soon as it is cleared up. When I get to work (in reality only 5 minutes later than scheduled) the door has not even closed behind me when he starts in on me. And I just can't take anymore. I tried; I went into my office and did my best to do the work I needed to get done, but I heard him on the phone telling people how badly I had screwed everything up and how all kinds of stuff was my fault - stuff I don't have anything to do with. So I typed up my two weeks' notice and handed it to him. He looked at it, said I've never tried to talk anyone out of this in 10 years, but are you sure this is what you want? I said, no, it isn't what I want, but I feel like I've been backed into a corner by you and the way you treat me and I can't take anymore. So he starts in on how I screw everything up again, and I'm looking at him like really? What's the point - I just told you I was quitting. So he finally says ok I'm going to demote you and take away all your duties except for payroll. I was like whatever - make it effective now. He says you realize then you won't be eligible for re-hire? I'm like wow - who cares? I don't want to work for you anymore, and frankly I don't want to work for any company that allows you to continue to run people off the way you do - I'm done. And I went to my office and packed my things and left.

And now I'm scared spitless about how I'm going to pay my bills, what I'm going to do about health insurance, and a thousand other things. But I'm also so completely at peace I can't explain it. And it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but it also feels like such the right move.